I am a thinker. The impressions left from sessions with clients and interactions with those I care for stay with me long after we have finished talking. I ponder them as if I am dreaming and making sense of it all.

Over the past few months, a theme I have been thinking on is our strong resistance to self-care. We all have it to some degree. We go to work with a cold, stay up too late, don’t see our friends enough or put off going to the Dr. On a bigger scale, we stay in unhappy relationships, hold on to life crushing jobs, refuse treatment and give up our dreams.

We come up with all kinds of reasons why we can’t/won’t take care of ourselves. We often forget that our choices have impact on others. Sometimes we even use these same people as the reason we won’t take care of ourselves. We say things like, “I have to go to work, my boss will give me a hard time” or “I can’t leave so and so it would destroy them”, or “I am not the problem, they need help.”

We rarely do things unless there is some sort of pay off. The next time you find you are keeping yourself from being the most healthy you can be ask yourself, what am I getting from doing this? Then think about the consequences of your actions. Is it worth the cost?

 As don Miguel Ruiz says in The Four Agreements, “Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.”

Dr. Gail Saltz, author of  Becoming Real
offers a few time tested tips here on how to keep your resolutions and therefore do your best.

What do you want to find success at this year? What do yo want a “do over” for? How will you do your best while recognizing it changes from moment to moment?

The following is a special guest post by Amanda Weedmark, an incredibly talented, local, designer and marketing professional.

The following is a thought provoking post by special guest blogger Tawnya Jonsek.  I hope you are inspired by it as much as I was.

I’ve spent the last week, without realizing it, nurturing a seed of fear within me. It wasn’t my intent to nurture this seed. In fact, I tried resisting it, repressing it, denying it – only to find it growing bigger and bigger, popping open and taking root in my mind. I wanted to banish the seed. But my persistence and insistence on resistance magnified it and gave it life within me.

 How can this happen? How does resisting a thing make it all-consuming? Doesn’t this thing, this fear, realize I am shouting at it to go away? Can’t my mind see I’m not interested in the mind games it plays?

 The truth of the matter is when I resist and suppress, I’m actually giving focus to this thing I do not want. This focus becomes a signal to the universe that it is just what I am wanting! And not only do I begin to see “signs” of the legitimacy of my fear, but it consumes nearly every waking thought I have.

 In his book, The Art of Power, Thich Nhat Hanh speaks of seeds of negativity and the power of diligence. Diligence has to do with not allowing these seeds, which lie in all of us, to take root or be nurtured. He talks about how once a thought comes to our minds, a thought of anger or jealousy or despair, repressing or fighting it does not work. The best way to root out this seed is, in his words, “recognize it, smile to it, and you invite something nicer to come up and replace it; you read some inspiring words, you listen to a piece of beautiful music, you go somewhere in nature, or you do some walking meditation”.

 He likened it to listening to a CD. If a song comes on you don’t like, you don’t yell at the CD player, demand it switch songs, talk over the song or stick your finger in your ears. This doesn’t keep the song from playing! Instead, you find a new track or a different CD with a song you like and you change the song.

For me, “changing the song” involved meditation, talking with a friend and shining a light on my fear to see it for what is was – a baseless, negative thought my mind tried to entrap me into harboring. And as quickly as switching on a light, I saw it for what it was. The fear was gone and knowledge filled it’s place.

There are many ways dreams can drain away. Some are obvious and others more subtle. When I read my monthly newsletter from Arnold Machel today, I knew I had to share this. 

Cash Flow Killer

Procrastination is a killer of self esteem, of action, relationships and careers.

Some procrastinate because they are perfectionists, some to be rebellious and others because they are bored or overwhelmed.

If procrastination is a problem for you I encourage you to follow this link to Procrastination Research. Here you will find articles from some of the world’s leading researchers and psychologists who study and write about procrastination.

The following article is meant to help you think differently about managing challenges during the holidays.  I encourage you to devise strategies, which may allow you to spend more time enjoying yourself, and less time stressed out.

Stressor number 1: Money
Many people feel stress this time of year, especially around spending money.  Perhaps it’s  money you don’t really have, or you’re spending money on frivolity rather than paying down your debt.   Political leaders might claim that the recession is “officially” over, but there are a lot of families who will be recovering from the recession for  years to come.  A solution may be to create a list, a budget, and then stick to it!  Challenge yourself to be creative with your dollars. Some creative gift giving ideas may include turning your family holiday dinners into potlucks,  shopping at discount stores,  or dare I say it:  buying “new to you” items.

If you find yourself feeling compelled to spend  money during the holidays, stop and ask yourself these questions:
Is my ego involved?
What is the consequence of my spending money on xyz?
How can I create a meaningful experience without going over budget?
How does spending my money in this way add to a more rich and fulfilling holiday season?

With the holiday season comes a more hectic schedule and stressor number 2:  Time crunch.
This can mean added pressure to attend events,  for social or professional reasons. There is the family dinner, office parties, client events, gatherings with friends.  Among it all you may be expected to work longer hours.  And don’t forget the extra time you’ll need for holiday shopping.

You  may have to travel long distances to get to your celebrations, which is another way your valuable time runs out.  Prioritize what you want to do vs. what you have- to-do.  Make time for relaxation and “me” time.

If you find yourself struggling with time management and commitments, stop and ask yourself these questions:
Who do I most want to spend time with?
How can I fulfill my obligations and have a joyous holiday season?
How am I going to deal with any hurt feelings?
What, overall, is going to cause the least amount of stress and the most joy?
What are my boundaries?
Where do I need to say no calmly and firmly?

Stressor Number 3: Old memories and loneliness
The holiday season is a time of togetherness, but for some it can be a time of loneliness and sadness. You may be far from friends and family, single or grieving a loss. Memories of loved ones who are gone or broken relationships may surface, further reminding you  of what or who is missing this year. Journaling these feelings can help.  A creative approach is called humor therapy. Make a list of comedies you want to see and keep your spirits up. Another way to stave off the blues is to reach out to new friends or attend a social meet up group.

If you’re feeling trapped by old memories or are feeling especially sad, try to stop and ask yourself these questions:
How do you want to deal with these memories when they arise?
How can I feel included and share in the joy others are revelling in?
What activities make you feel good during hard times?

Stressor number 4: Putting on a happy face
Every year we do things out of obligation or duty. You may force yourself to interact with people you would not necessarily hang out with, but you do so because you are related and it’s expected.  How do you want to respond when good old Uncle Chuck razzes you about your casual attire or Aunt Jane asks you when you are going to marry that nice girlfriend of yours?  The holidays tend to be a time when tired family issues are rehashed. Relatives may consciously or unconsciously push your buttons. .

Just because you are related does not mean you have to spend time with these people or act like all is well. Sometimes the best thing IS to remove yourself from the situation and form your own loving and supportive family. If you choose to be in this situation, focus on how you are going to act in certain situations and know you cannot change anyone else.  Taking a time out and deep breathing may also be helpful in intense situations.

If you are going to be around family and friends and feel anxiety about it, stop and ask yourself these questions:
What is good about this situation? Is it worth it?
What is the cost to participate in drama?
What do I need to do in order to be ok?
How can I be different?

The next few weeks are bound to be interesting, exciting and challenging. Plan ahead and create a strategy to deal with your top stressors and experience a little more “Comfort and Joy” this year.

It’s now Autumn.  The leaves have started to change colour and drop and the season has begun to turn wet. I admit it. I am in tune with the weather. There is no question when it gets dark and rain starts my body and mind react. Although I appreciate the beauty of all four seasons, fall and especially, winter can be hard here. We have a reputation as being a very wet city on top of being a very pretty one.

In order to make the next six months more fun, I have created a “seasonal” strategy. Strategies have been the theme of the week when I have been coaching clients too. Our conversations during sessions go something like “the next time you start to think you are getting distracted what is your strategy going to be to get back to what you need to focus on?” or “what are you going to say to yourself the next time you are put in a situation that triggers your anger?”

Planning ahead with what you are going to do when a challenging situation you commonly experience comes up can make all the difference in your success.  It is called having an implementation intention and you can find out more about it here in a fantastic blog from Psychology Today by Timothy A. Pychyl.

What do you do on a daily basis to sustain your efforts when fear, overwhelm or boredom strike?

What kinds of strategies do you have in order to keep focused and move toward your dreams?

When I was a child my Mom used to say “enjoy the time you have now, because it goes faster as you get older.” Naturally, I thought she was crazy! Even at a young age, I knew time was time. Now I understand what she meant, although I could not begin to explain the phenomenon.

Today is my birthday. I am hovering at the half way point in my life. I am not sure how birthday celebrations got started, I bet I could ask Twitter and someone would know, but the important thing is I am grateful for my birthday. Not because of the presents or things I get to do, but because it is a time to appreciate the people in my life. It is a day to take stock and reflect on how fortunate I am.

Honestly, I endeavor to do this every day, but for me, today it is especially important. Birthdays, the holiday season and days of remembrance are invitations for us to connect with our higher selves and each other. They are time set aside as if standing still, to enjoy and relish and that is what I plan to spend the day doing.

What does a birthday mean to you?

Ambition and self improvement can be a very good thing. We are blessed with capability to grow, learn and become better people.

There is a bit of a balancing act in this process though. As much as we need to push ahead to who and what we want to become there is a need for love and acceptance simply for who we are at this moment.

We must acknowledge the greatness and potential we are headed toward while recognizing how amazing we already are. If we don’t, if we fall into criticism or “not good enough’s” we get stuck and our growth is stunted.

W. Timothy Gallwey, puts this beautifully in the following excerpt from “ The Inner Game of Tennis”

When we plant a rose seed in the earth, we notice that it is small, but we do not criticize it as “rootless and stemless”. We treat it as a seed, giving it the water and nourishment required of a seed. When it first shoots up out of the earth, we don’t condemn it as immature and underdeveloped; nor do we criticize the buds for not being open when they appear. We stand in wonder at the process taking place and give the plant the care at each stage of its development. The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change; yet at each state, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is.

When was the last time you recognized you were “perfectly all right” just as you are?