A Book Review of Who’s Pulling Your Strings
The following is a special guest post by Amanda Weedmark, an incredibly talented, local, designer and marketing professional.
There I was, spinning round and round trying to please, trying to stay strong, trying to explain myself, trying to fight back, trying to ignore the unacceptable behaviour that was being directed at me; I let go then took back – many times over – all in the hope that the other person would change their ways. For some reason though, it wasn’t working. The dynamic didn’t change and the cycle continued.
What was worse was that I was attracting more of these unhealthy relationships and I just couldn’t figure out why.
I had lost control, lost my voice, along with my self-esteem and my well-being was fully compromised. I was at the end of my rope. I had enough.
Being a graphic designer, I have a natural desire to learn and create. Whether it was this desire or turning 30 that really pushed me to live a healthier life, I knew it was time to make a positive change and so, I set out on a quest to find answers.
I searched many online articles about manipulation and came across many that described situations I had experienced. Naturally I became increasingly intrigued so I decided to pick up a book on the subject matter called: Who’s Pulling Your Strings: How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life by Dr. Harriet Braiker.
At first it started out like your standard self-help book and it continually referenced the manipulator as a “she” but putting all of that aside for the sake of mental health, I continued to read. As each chapter went on, I was eager to get to the part where I “block” the behaviours that plagued me but I had to first learn the ‘who’ and the ‘why’.
Having some patience, I read on about personality types which included not only the manipulators but also that of my own and why they fed on me like piranhas. Turns out, I was too damn nice and enabled the behaviour.
Say whaa? You mean I had the power to change it all along?
I filled out questionnaires, was encouraged to keep a journal about my experiences, and was even given ideas on how to practice and prepare for unexpected confrontations. I finally got to the end where it spoke about being a ‘hard-target’ and I was excited to start implementing the techniques.
After finishing the book I felt a sense of empowerment to know that I could change the dynamic if I really wanted to. What I needed to do was stop justifying, defending, enabling, and excusing the inappropriate behaviour. Stop pleasing everyone. Stop having unhealthy relationships. Set boundaries and say no to family, friends, co-workers, even business associates when I didn’t feel right in saying yes and I had to be more honest with myself.
All this is a given for some, I know, but when you’re in the thick of it, it’s sometimes hard to see through the fog. However, with a little time and some good practice I will get to where I want to be.
Who’s Pulling Your Strings was an eye-opener and was just as much of a learning experience about others as it was about me. It allowed me to see through the fog and demonstrate that I did have the power to stop the merry-go-round and get off the ride, for good.
Amanda Weedmark is a graphic designer and book lover living in Coquitlam, BC. Naturally curious about the unknown, she aspires to solve the mysteries of her personal life and all of her creative projects. Follow her on Twitter, @AmandaWeedmark or visit her online.
Just like we have core values, there are core themes in our lives. These themes provide us the opportunity for profound realizations.
